tears

'life will be as it does, regardless of whether you are taking it positively or the other side. so it's better to remain cheerful.''

-Ainin aka roomate-
*no wonder she got no mood swings, haha!

Ausmat is now a memory, no longer agony. The final TEE had just passed by, and thank God for that. Now i'm back at home in Kedah, for no reason of staying at the student house. (well actually my mom asked me to go back)

Yesterday (15th nov) was a hard day, for both me and Hafiz. Sending me at Pudu was not a good thing for him to do because all of a sudden no more strong and tough guy in front of me but a vulnerable boy who cried in the public. Which, had instantly brought my tears all out in a blink. All things we'd done together started to pour out of my mind, left me with more tears.

Since the accident that happened to me a month ago, i'd started to treat him badly and always turned to moody mode all of a sudden (for about a week), especially towards him, which i regret so much now. Rejecting to meet him was another reason why all this guilt kept haunting me until the last day of my final exam which was on 13th nov. And seeing him for the first time after a month on the Friday of 13th was sheer bliss. Followed by Saturday and Sunday.

On Sunday afternoon, we watched Michael Jackson: This Is It as no more 2012 tickets left until Monday. By the way, the Michael Jackson's movie was not that bad, both kept saying " Wah hebatnya MJ menari, wah sharpnya dancing dia,wah wah wah" Padahal dua2 tak tau MJ memang selalu je menari camtu haha. Next, we went to Pizza Hut since i demanded of eating the new pizza, crunch something something huh i forgot the name. Yeah well last day before i went back to Kedah, every demand should be followed haha jahat aku. In the end i ate only two slice of the pizza, and forced him to finish the whole pizza for me, ending up with him throwing up later. Again my bad.

Well at 8 pm, we were at Pudu. I started to look for the ticket to Kedah, and finally bought the one at 11 pm. 3 hours of waiting. At the first two hours both were very fine (or pretended to be fine), laughing at jokes and kept teasing each other. Like when he flipped through my magazine i said "you looked so into the mag, dont be so fake" (well i know he doesnt like to read). Besides he said "dont be so kedekut" when i didnt want to go to the washroom just after i knew it was rm0.50 per entry haha. (it's not that i didnt want to enter the washroom at all, i just wanted to wait maybe 10 minutes before boarding the bus so that i didnt have to go there twice) OK i know i'm a little bit kedekut at times.

Later at about 10.30 pm, no more jokes and it was a total silent. He seemed uneasy and i knew what he's thinking, cause i'm thinking the same thing. That's probably be the last day of seeing each other. Suddenly he covered his face with both hands, yet i could still see his wet eyes... 10.50 pm, we walked outside of the building as the bus would be waiting there. It arrived pretty late, around 11.15 pm. And at that moment i knew, this was it, it's time to leave. Walking towards the bus, no more voice heard between us, both were so silent... As soon as reaching the bus's door, i quickly asked for my bag that he was holding. Without hesitating, he straight away handed the bag to me, and said "i will always love you", caused me to burst into tears and said nothing but walked away from him towards the bus.

escape

It's hard yet it's smooth. It's tragic yet we're safe. We're sad yet we're being grateful. For still breathing. I guess we're just lucky. Alhamdulillah.

Friday, 16th oct, 1.40 pm. I received a text message from my father. He said he's on the way to student house. He just finished his work in KL and today he's going back to Kedah. Eventually that moment i decided to follow him, only for weekend. I packed, took all my homeworks into my bag. And a pair of baju kurung, because my family planned to go to my uncle's house at Perak on Saturday. At around 2.20 pm, he's already outside, waiting for me. Not long after that, we started our way.

1 hour after the journey, which was around 3.20, rain was pouring like mad outside. Extremely heavily. I finished my fries in the car but the coke was nearly untouched, because i know at the highway, there's no toilet everywhere. My father asked me to sleep, because there's still long km to go. I normally would sleep in the car without being asked, but on that day, my eyes couldn't close.

3.40 pm. Something that could have killed us had happened. The car stopped. It's 'dead'. We were in an accident. It's being 'thrown' to the side ways. The road was super-slippery I guess. That's why my father lose control of the car. Alhamdulillah no other car involved. And Alhamdulillah we're safe. No cut neither broken leg, yet the car was a total junk.

Both my father and i stood beside the highway for 5 hours long, waiting for the crane to lift the upside-down- car to the road again. The supposedly 6 hours journey turned to be 12 hours instead. Only at 2.30 am, my father and i arrived home, after being fetched by my sister and her husband at 9.00 pm.

Maybe it's devastating for my father to loose his car plus a laptop a day before, but what's more important than life. And for me, i dont dare to sleep in any moving vehicle anymore, at least for now. Tomorrow wil be a tough day because i need to go back to KL, alone :(

After being towed:






In workshop:
*I'll upload picture in the scene next time.

me.alone.

i'll be alone.

this weekend.

but it's fine.

i got my bed.

it's for our honey

31st of July.
somebody's celebrating.
it's her birthday.

now she's finally 19.
to hani, happy birthday to you.
we all love you.

we're gonna miss your high heels.

why is it so hard to talk to each other and how to break down the emotional war

The movie 'A Thousand Years of Good Prayers', which features Mr Shi and his daughter, Yilan as its main characters, is not much difference with 'Japanese Story'. The characters in both movies dont talk much but, instead the movies focus more on characters' body language.


So come to answering the first question on why is it so hard to talk to each other, the answer will all be about difference. Firstly, it will be the difference in perception and belief. When two people believe on two different ideas, it is most probably that they will end up arguing with each other. Basically in the movie, Mr Shi as an old man with traditional thinking believes that, a happy person will not keep the happiness alone. He or she will talk in order to share their happiness with others. Yilan on the other hand, disagree with that. She thinks a person can keep silent even when he's happy. In the movie, Mr Shi and Yilan argue about lots of things, mainly because he and his daughter spent most of their life in two different places, China and America respectively.

Next, difference in language. People use language to unite them but if the language itself is different, of course its' hard to remain close with each other. Mr Shi and Madam who is from Iran, obviously have different native tongue. In the movie, they speak English but still they hardly communicate well, take a simply long time to think of the appropriate words to use. One of Madam's dialogue is, "America good country, sons make rich money".

Not only that but its' also about a difference in gender. As typical Asian, Mr Shi looks uncomfortable talking to the blonde girl, who at the time wearing only bikini. He tries to give uneasy look as the girl gets up from her chair and approaches him. In the end, he excuses himself and walks away from the place. Anyone who watches that scene can confirmly tells that it is quite a tense moment, as the conversation does not happen smoothly.

Besides that, the movie also deals with the issue of emotional war, especially Mr Shi, who appears to keep secrets from his family. He tells no one that he's no longer a rocket scientist after the age of 32. Generally, there is only a single solution to this problem that is by talking and expressing feeling to someone. One says 'sharing is caring' and that's really sum up everything.

At the age of 19, now only i know myself better

I've never heard of kiwi allergy before. All that i know is just allergy towards seafoods and nuts. That's it. All this while im being so grateful, cause i thought im healthy enough, no allergy towards any kind of foods. Thinking how weak they are, of those who have allergy.

To begin the story, frankly speaking, i've never buy kiwi myself. I mean, if i shop for fruits, kiwi is no my choice. Its' tasty, but i prefer other fruits, maybe apple and..no its' only apple. Probably the only famous fruit when i studied in primary school was only apple, that's why i love it. Or maybe, because i only know apple's spot in jusco. Yaa, so easy to find.

Yesterday, on typical Sunday, we cooked at house. After finished eating, Ainin, my one and only roomate, offered me kiwi. We ate and ate and ate until suddenly i felt my lips were totally irritated. Somehow i continued eating, ignoring the pain. After everything was completely finished, then only i stooped eating. Ya, the agony now began. It was bloody painful, in my mind i just hoped that my lips wouldnt swell or else they would become as sexy as Angelina Jolie's. I dont it need it for now.

Ainin was soo panic, offering me her vaseline. I put it on my lips. But even until at night, my lips didnt recover. Next thing was that, my whole body became itchy. Ya good, tomorrow's morning i got math test and for the whole night, im busy scratching and putting vaseline on it. Just what i need.....

This morning i woke up, and thank God, everything returns to normal. Hafiz said i should just eat the banana, bla, bla, bla i know i have this kind of allergy towards expensive foods. Last time Ainin ( again her) gave me old town's coffee, and i had stomach ache for one whole night, that i nearly threw up. Next time, i should just drink teh tarik. See, im a true Malaysian.

We are not fool

For these two weeks starting from last week, we are learning poem for EALD class.
Yesterday, we were having a poem recitation session. And this was mine, entitled 'We are not fool':

We can't rewind
That night we lost our mind
Even when mum and dad being so kind
But still we spent all our money on wine
When they asked, we said we're fine
We think that's how to shine
By clubbing till morning from night at nine.

We can't repeat
That night me and you agreed to meet
In the park, it's sex that we did
Even tomorrow there's a Math test to be reseat
In the test we tried to cheat
But a smart teacher can read
In the end others know we are stupid
We hated him and said he's a shit.

We can't playback
That night me and you started to pack
We said it's parents' love that we lack
So we took a bus and sit on the deck
Planning what to do with a stolen cheque
In hope nobody realised that fact
Even if someone did, we said what the heck.

All in all maybe we can't rewind
neither can we repeat
nor can we playback
But one thing we can do
We can plan.