At the age of 19, now only i know myself better

I've never heard of kiwi allergy before. All that i know is just allergy towards seafoods and nuts. That's it. All this while im being so grateful, cause i thought im healthy enough, no allergy towards any kind of foods. Thinking how weak they are, of those who have allergy.

To begin the story, frankly speaking, i've never buy kiwi myself. I mean, if i shop for fruits, kiwi is no my choice. Its' tasty, but i prefer other fruits, maybe apple and..no its' only apple. Probably the only famous fruit when i studied in primary school was only apple, that's why i love it. Or maybe, because i only know apple's spot in jusco. Yaa, so easy to find.

Yesterday, on typical Sunday, we cooked at house. After finished eating, Ainin, my one and only roomate, offered me kiwi. We ate and ate and ate until suddenly i felt my lips were totally irritated. Somehow i continued eating, ignoring the pain. After everything was completely finished, then only i stooped eating. Ya, the agony now began. It was bloody painful, in my mind i just hoped that my lips wouldnt swell or else they would become as sexy as Angelina Jolie's. I dont it need it for now.

Ainin was soo panic, offering me her vaseline. I put it on my lips. But even until at night, my lips didnt recover. Next thing was that, my whole body became itchy. Ya good, tomorrow's morning i got math test and for the whole night, im busy scratching and putting vaseline on it. Just what i need.....

This morning i woke up, and thank God, everything returns to normal. Hafiz said i should just eat the banana, bla, bla, bla i know i have this kind of allergy towards expensive foods. Last time Ainin ( again her) gave me old town's coffee, and i had stomach ache for one whole night, that i nearly threw up. Next time, i should just drink teh tarik. See, im a true Malaysian.

We are not fool

For these two weeks starting from last week, we are learning poem for EALD class.
Yesterday, we were having a poem recitation session. And this was mine, entitled 'We are not fool':

We can't rewind
That night we lost our mind
Even when mum and dad being so kind
But still we spent all our money on wine
When they asked, we said we're fine
We think that's how to shine
By clubbing till morning from night at nine.

We can't repeat
That night me and you agreed to meet
In the park, it's sex that we did
Even tomorrow there's a Math test to be reseat
In the test we tried to cheat
But a smart teacher can read
In the end others know we are stupid
We hated him and said he's a shit.

We can't playback
That night me and you started to pack
We said it's parents' love that we lack
So we took a bus and sit on the deck
Planning what to do with a stolen cheque
In hope nobody realised that fact
Even if someone did, we said what the heck.

All in all maybe we can't rewind
neither can we repeat
nor can we playback
But one thing we can do
We can plan.

i'm so naive

atiqah and liyana.
both are photographers in my class.
that's because they got the cameras.
i mean not the digital one, more upgraded such as canon powershot g9 (atiqah) and canon 1000D (liyana).
*sorry if it's wrong.


last time i asked from atiqah, whether i can take her snapped photos of our class to be featured in my friendster.
through sms.
she said of course i can do so, but don't forget to credit for her.
i replied, im broke, can't credit you.
few days later, i saw in someone's blog, it was a photo written something under it,
credit to ......
so there i knew, credit is not giving money instead giving some kind of praise to someone.


there was once when i got some kind of gathering with all my 3-housemates.
then we need to talk about 'first intention when you woke up this morning'.
following the circle that we made, then came my turn.
i talked about 'first tension when i woke up this morning'.


i'm just so naive.

me and her

We are different.
She is boyish while i am not.
She is tough while i am not.
She speaks a lot while i am not.


12th of April 2009
5.25 pm
She wants to buy the ice-cream. She can walk but instead she runs. It is as if the ice-cream will run away from her. Ya, not all normal girls can run as fast as her. It is a normal view for me to see her running like that and that is not the frst time. While she is running with her brother/game partner to get their delicious and yummy ice-cream, i am waiting in the car with my mom. We talk and chat for a while. About 10 minutes later, they come back. Without the ice-cream. Ya, me and my mom are full with anxiety and panic. We blurted out questions, asking them why they do not get it. Finally we realise that she falls. I mean, it is a hard fall. Both sides of her knee are cut and her nail breaks.






Back in home, my dad scolds her while putting some oil on both of her knees and broken nail. (Hurt + get scolded = cry). She cries. But merely 10 minutes. After that, she goes out, grabs her racket, takes the shuttle, and later she plays badminton. With her older 11-years old brother. She just can't sit still even for a minute. That's what makes her, her.






One thing about her. Which i got no chance to do it when i was a small girl. She befriended with boys, i mean most of her friends are boys, either in school or at our neighbourhood. And that tells why she is so boyish. Anyhow, i think she is just adorable enough. Whole family just can't get enough of her, especially my dad, who is always lose whenever got into a fight-talk with this 8-years-old little girl.


13th of April 2009
She is not going to school. She said she's hurt so much that she can't go to school. Again, my mom and dad HAVE to follow her. Maybe she is only 8 but she holds the veto power over them. At home, she watches cartoons and plays video games whole day long. Plus, eats a lot and laughs her head off in front of the television. When my mom comes back from work, she asks her, "Hey you said you're hurt? Why you're laughing that hard?". She replies, "I'm not using my knee to laugh." Ya, that's her.

we're all broke

she is broke.*pic credit to liyana.



It has been almost 4 months now since we all got the allowance.

and now most of us are broke.
i mean, really broke.
at least i got more money in the bank than y and daniel.
*y and daniel, dont kill me.
so i should not be that scared.
or should i?
*pale.



Huh, there are so many things to pay and spend for. Especially RM 200 for the so-called 'winter' camp on May. I already paid RM 100 and now there is another RM 100 to go. Owh now i finally know how does it feel when you have no or less money. This thing keeps bothering me, should i use my own money or ask from my dad? my mom is not in the list cause she wont give me money anyway.



This year i dont buy any new shirt neither any pant. Eh no, i did, but just once. Eh no, maybe twice or thrice. There was one time, my sis asked me to buy a tee for her. That tee costed RM 40 for a piece but then got kind of promotion, 3 for RM 90. And so one piece became RM 30. So i need to buy 3. One for her, one for me, and ainin bought one for herself to make it 3. That's that. *mr derick's trademark. At the end of the day, my sis did not pay me. Good.



'How good this girl, that's all you buy? Owh you need more shirt darling, let me pay for you,' one mak datin said. *imagine.



One more problem. I eat a lot. Everytime i go to ou, it is kind of rule to buy the bakery bread. *bread is one of the example only. And the guy at the shop knows me so well already. He even remember with whom i go with. Last time when i went there alone, he even asked me, 'Where are your friends? That day you came with them right?'. A few days after, i went there again. With a friend. Then, he blurted out, 'Hey today you come with your friend huh.' I think at the end of this year, everyone in the bakery shop will know me. Good.



Then how am i going to save money?? grrrrr.
Maybe the money just cant stick on my hand.



one day happy, next day gloomy.

one day funny, next day fury.

one day we hope, next day we broke.

Eyes

Have you ever heard people saying that,
'if someone have sore eyes, we should not look straight into their eyes because somehow we might get infected'.

I always wonder why is it so, why people dont say,
'if someone have chicken pox / diarrhoea / syphilis, we should not look at their diseases with our bare eyes'.

Last time, a friend of mine came out with her own thought, that it might be because of our eyes have some kind of ray that are beaming out from the eyes towards anything their looking at. This means when A got infected by this so-called-germs in his / her eyes, then B is looking at those eyes, the germs will then be passed on to B by the ray. Somehow i feel its' kind of true. Our legs wont have the ray, neither our hands, skin or gall bladder.

This brings to another fact that,
'the love one experiences can be seen through his / her eyes'
When you like someone, no matter how hard you try to hide it, the person will basically know about it. How? Ya, through your eyes.

Sometimes i dont know why, whenever i look at someone's eyes, i will feel uncomfortable and try to run my view from their eyes. But honestly not all, only some. For instance, while i was talking, at the same time i looked at C's eyes, then suddenly i lost. Started to figure out what else to talk about. *I hate when this thing happen. * To avoid embarrasing myself, i tried to be cool and continued saying, "Can you please wait, i need to go to the washing room / i need to finish my work first / owh i'm so sleepy already, see you tomorrow!"
*Next time if i say these again, people will not trust me anymore, for sure.

By the way, i love this idiom:
make sheep's eyes at somebody
to look at someone with admiration and passionate towards them.
e.g: Sandy keeps making sheep's eyes at Hiromitsu trhrough the whole journey to Pilbara desert.

Love notes

You.

Now i think we can be friend again, or maybe more than that. Since last year, i stop contacting you. So deeply sorry. Flashing my mind through what i have done to you since then, trigger some kind of regret deep inside my insensitive heart. But then, now i am such a different person. I dont want to be the same me again and feel guilty and repentant most of the time thinking of how stupid i am, leaving you alone. From now on, i want you to be by my side, always.



Frankly speaking, the thought of how important you are to me has never arise, because i really think that i can survive by myself, without your help. Ya, i admit i am being both selfish and silly that at end, i'll keep regretting it. As a fact, i am not a literature-minded girl, neither a fast learner. But you, as innocent as beacon, lighting my life through the way. Pouring new vocabs to me just like steady rainfall pouring the earth. Huh, how i wish i can thank you.



Hey, one more thing. You. You are so extra big. Cant you just be smaller ? And slimmer. huh. I really hope so you know, so that i will eagerly bring you with me everyday to college. And perhaps, i can share you with them. But no worries, i wont leave you with them. Because you are mine. Forever and always.



Thanks again for being here with me, you, my lovely bulky heavy-weight Colins Cobuild dictionary.

Love,
Fairuz Emran.