Tuesday, November 17, 2009
'life will be as it does, regardless of whether you are taking it positively or the other side. so it's better to remain cheerful.''
-Ainin aka roomate-
*no wonder she got no mood swings, haha!
Ausmat is now a memory, no longer agony. The final TEE had just passed by, and thank God for that. Now i'm back at home in Kedah, for no reason of staying at the student house. (well actually my mom asked me to go back)
Yesterday (15th nov) was a hard day, for both me and Hafiz. Sending me at Pudu was not a good thing for him to do because all of a sudden no more strong and tough guy in front of me but a vulnerable boy who cried in the public. Which, had instantly brought my tears all out in a blink. All things we'd done together started to pour out of my mind, left me with more tears.
Since the accident that happened to me a month ago, i'd started to treat him badly and always turned to moody mode all of a sudden (for about a week), especially towards him, which i regret so much now. Rejecting to meet him was another reason why all this guilt kept haunting me until the last day of my final exam which was on 13th nov. And seeing him for the first time after a month on the Friday of 13th was sheer bliss. Followed by Saturday and Sunday.
On Sunday afternoon, we watched Michael Jackson: This Is It as no more 2012 tickets left until Monday. By the way, the Michael Jackson's movie was not that bad, both kept saying " Wah hebatnya MJ menari, wah sharpnya dancing dia,wah wah wah" Padahal dua2 tak tau MJ memang selalu je menari camtu haha. Next, we went to Pizza Hut since i demanded of eating the new pizza, crunch something something huh i forgot the name. Yeah well last day before i went back to Kedah, every demand should be followed haha jahat aku. In the end i ate only two slice of the pizza, and forced him to finish the whole pizza for me, ending up with him throwing up later. Again my bad.
Well at 8 pm, we were at Pudu. I started to look for the ticket to Kedah, and finally bought the one at 11 pm. 3 hours of waiting. At the first two hours both were very fine (or pretended to be fine), laughing at jokes and kept teasing each other. Like when he flipped through my magazine i said "you looked so into the mag, dont be so fake" (well i know he doesnt like to read). Besides he said "dont be so kedekut" when i didnt want to go to the washroom just after i knew it was rm0.50 per entry haha. (it's not that i didnt want to enter the washroom at all, i just wanted to wait maybe 10 minutes before boarding the bus so that i didnt have to go there twice) OK i know i'm a little bit kedekut at times.
Later at about 10.30 pm, no more jokes and it was a total silent. He seemed uneasy and i knew what he's thinking, cause i'm thinking the same thing. That's probably be the last day of seeing each other. Suddenly he covered his face with both hands, yet i could still see his wet eyes... 10.50 pm, we walked outside of the building as the bus would be waiting there. It arrived pretty late, around 11.15 pm. And at that moment i knew, this was it, it's time to leave. Walking towards the bus, no more voice heard between us, both were so silent... As soon as reaching the bus's door, i quickly asked for my bag that he was holding. Without hesitating, he straight away handed the bag to me, and said "i will always love you", caused me to burst into tears and said nothing but walked away from him towards the bus.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
It's hard yet it's smooth. It's tragic yet we're safe. We're sad yet we're being grateful. For still breathing. I guess we're just lucky. Alhamdulillah.
Friday, 16th oct, 1.40 pm. I received a text message from my father. He said he's on the way to student house. He just finished his work in KL and today he's going back to Kedah. Eventually that moment i decided to follow him, only for weekend. I packed, took all my homeworks into my bag. And a pair of baju kurung, because my family planned to go to my uncle's house at Perak on Saturday. At around 2.20 pm, he's already outside, waiting for me. Not long after that, we started our way.
1 hour after the journey, which was around 3.20, rain was pouring like mad outside. Extremely heavily. I finished my fries in the car but the coke was nearly untouched, because i know at the highway, there's no toilet everywhere. My father asked me to sleep, because there's still long km to go. I normally would sleep in the car without being asked, but on that day, my eyes couldn't close.
3.40 pm. Something that could have killed us had happened. The car stopped. It's 'dead'. We were in an accident. It's being 'thrown' to the side ways. The road was super-slippery I guess. That's why my father lose control of the car. Alhamdulillah no other car involved. And Alhamdulillah we're safe. No cut neither broken leg, yet the car was a total junk.
Both my father and i stood beside the highway for 5 hours long, waiting for the crane to lift the upside-down- car to the road again. The supposedly 6 hours journey turned to be 12 hours instead. Only at 2.30 am, my father and i arrived home, after being fetched by my sister and her husband at 9.00 pm.
Maybe it's devastating for my father to loose his car plus a laptop a day before, but what's more important than life. And for me, i dont dare to sleep in any moving vehicle anymore, at least for now. Tomorrow wil be a tough day because i need to go back to KL, alone :(
After being towed:
*I'll upload picture in the scene next time.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
So come to answering the first question on why is it so hard to talk to each other, the answer will all be about difference. Firstly, it will be the difference in perception and belief. When two people believe on two different ideas, it is most probably that they will end up arguing with each other. Basically in the movie, Mr Shi as an old man with traditional thinking believes that, a happy person will not keep the happiness alone. He or she will talk in order to share their happiness with others. Yilan on the other hand, disagree with that. She thinks a person can keep silent even when he's happy. In the movie, Mr Shi and Yilan argue about lots of things, mainly because he and his daughter spent most of their life in two different places, China and America respectively.
Next, difference in language. People use language to unite them but if the language itself is different, of course its' hard to remain close with each other. Mr Shi and Madam who is from Iran, obviously have different native tongue. In the movie, they speak English but still they hardly communicate well, take a simply long time to think of the appropriate words to use. One of Madam's dialogue is, "America good country, sons make rich money".
Not only that but its' also about a difference in gender. As typical Asian, Mr Shi looks uncomfortable talking to the blonde girl, who at the time wearing only bikini. He tries to give uneasy look as the girl gets up from her chair and approaches him. In the end, he excuses himself and walks away from the place. Anyone who watches that scene can confirmly tells that it is quite a tense moment, as the conversation does not happen smoothly.
Besides that, the movie also deals with the issue of emotional war, especially Mr Shi, who appears to keep secrets from his family. He tells no one that he's no longer a rocket scientist after the age of 32. Generally, there is only a single solution to this problem that is by talking and expressing feeling to someone. One says 'sharing is caring' and that's really sum up everything.
Monday, July 20, 2009
To begin the story, frankly speaking, i've never buy kiwi myself. I mean, if i shop for fruits, kiwi is no my choice. Its' tasty, but i prefer other fruits, maybe apple and..no its' only apple. Probably the only famous fruit when i studied in primary school was only apple, that's why i love it. Or maybe, because i only know apple's spot in jusco. Yaa, so easy to find.
Yesterday, on typical Sunday, we cooked at house. After finished eating, Ainin, my one and only roomate, offered me kiwi. We ate and ate and ate until suddenly i felt my lips were totally irritated. Somehow i continued eating, ignoring the pain. After everything was completely finished, then only i stooped eating. Ya, the agony now began. It was bloody painful, in my mind i just hoped that my lips wouldnt swell or else they would become as sexy as Angelina Jolie's. I dont it need it for now.
Ainin was soo panic, offering me her vaseline. I put it on my lips. But even until at night, my lips didnt recover. Next thing was that, my whole body became itchy. Ya good, tomorrow's morning i got math test and for the whole night, im busy scratching and putting vaseline on it. Just what i need.....
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Yesterday, we were having a poem recitation session. And this was mine, entitled 'We are not fool':
We can't rewind
That night we lost our mind
Even when mum and dad being so kind
But still we spent all our money on wine
When they asked, we said we're fine
We think that's how to shine
By clubbing till morning from night at nine.
We can't repeat
That night me and you agreed to meet
In the park, it's sex that we did
Even tomorrow there's a Math test to be reseat
In the test we tried to cheat
But a smart teacher can read
In the end others know we are stupid
We hated him and said he's a shit.
We can't playback
That night me and you started to pack
We said it's parents' love that we lack
So we took a bus and sit on the deck
Planning what to do with a stolen cheque
In hope nobody realised that fact
Even if someone did, we said what the heck.
All in all maybe we can't rewind
neither can we repeat
nor can we playback
But one thing we can do
We can plan.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
both are photographers in my class.
that's because they got the cameras.
i mean not the digital one, more upgraded such as canon powershot g9 (atiqah) and canon 1000D (liyana).
*sorry if it's wrong.
last time i asked from atiqah, whether i can take her snapped photos of our class to be featured in my friendster.
she said of course i can do so, but don't forget to credit for her.
i replied, im broke, can't credit you.
few days later, i saw in someone's blog, it was a photo written something under it,
credit to ......
so there i knew, credit is not giving money instead giving some kind of praise to someone.
there was once when i got some kind of gathering with all my 3-housemates.
then we need to talk about 'first intention when you woke up this morning'.
following the circle that we made, then came my turn.
i talked about 'first tension when i woke up this morning'.
i'm just so naive.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
She is boyish while i am not.
She is tough while i am not.
She speaks a lot while i am not.
12th of April 2009
She wants to buy the ice-cream. She can walk but instead she runs. It is as if the ice-cream will run away from her. Ya, not all normal girls can run as fast as her. It is a normal view for me to see her running like that and that is not the frst time. While she is running with her brother/game partner to get their delicious and yummy ice-cream, i am waiting in the car with my mom. We talk and chat for a while. About 10 minutes later, they come back. Without the ice-cream. Ya, me and my mom are full with anxiety and panic. We blurted out questions, asking them why they do not get it. Finally we realise that she falls. I mean, it is a hard fall. Both sides of her knee are cut and her nail breaks.
Back in home, my dad scolds her while putting some oil on both of her knees and broken nail. (Hurt + get scolded = cry). She cries. But merely 10 minutes. After that, she goes out, grabs her racket, takes the shuttle, and later she plays badminton. With her older 11-years old brother. She just can't sit still even for a minute. That's what makes her, her.
One thing about her. Which i got no chance to do it when i was a small girl. She befriended with boys, i mean most of her friends are boys, either in school or at our neighbourhood. And that tells why she is so boyish. Anyhow, i think she is just adorable enough. Whole family just can't get enough of her, especially my dad, who is always lose whenever got into a fight-talk with this 8-years-old little girl.
13th of April 2009
She is not going to school. She said she's hurt so much that she can't go to school. Again, my mom and dad HAVE to follow her. Maybe she is only 8 but she holds the veto power over them. At home, she watches cartoons and plays video games whole day long. Plus, eats a lot and laughs her head off in front of the television. When my mom comes back from work, she asks her, "Hey you said you're hurt? Why you're laughing that hard?". She replies, "I'm not using my knee to laugh." Ya, that's her.
Friday, April 3, 2009
i mean, really broke.
at least i got more money in the bank than y and daniel.
*y and daniel, dont kill me.
so i should not be that scared.
or should i?
Huh, there are so many things to pay and spend for. Especially RM 200 for the so-called 'winter' camp on May. I already paid RM 100 and now there is another RM 100 to go. Owh now i finally know how does it feel when you have no or less money. This thing keeps bothering me, should i use my own money or ask from my dad? my mom is not in the list cause she wont give me money anyway.
This year i dont buy any new shirt neither any pant. Eh no, i did, but just once. Eh no, maybe twice or thrice. There was one time, my sis asked me to buy a tee for her. That tee costed RM 40 for a piece but then got kind of promotion, 3 for RM 90. And so one piece became RM 30. So i need to buy 3. One for her, one for me, and ainin bought one for herself to make it 3. That's that. *mr derick's trademark. At the end of the day, my sis did not pay me. Good.
'How good this girl, that's all you buy? Owh you need more shirt darling, let me pay for you,' one mak datin said. *imagine.
One more problem. I eat a lot. Everytime i go to ou, it is kind of rule to buy the bakery bread. *bread is one of the example only. And the guy at the shop knows me so well already. He even remember with whom i go with. Last time when i went there alone, he even asked me, 'Where are your friends? That day you came with them right?'. A few days after, i went there again. With a friend. Then, he blurted out, 'Hey today you come with your friend huh.' I think at the end of this year, everyone in the bakery shop will know me. Good.
Then how am i going to save money?? grrrrr.
Maybe the money just cant stick on my hand.
one day happy, next day gloomy.
one day funny, next day fury.
one day we hope, next day we broke.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
'if someone have sore eyes, we should not look straight into their eyes because somehow we might get infected'.
I always wonder why is it so, why people dont say,
'if someone have chicken pox / diarrhoea / syphilis, we should not look at their diseases with our bare eyes'.
Last time, a friend of mine came out with her own thought, that it might be because of our eyes have some kind of ray that are beaming out from the eyes towards anything their looking at. This means when A got infected by this so-called-germs in his / her eyes, then B is looking at those eyes, the germs will then be passed on to B by the ray. Somehow i feel its' kind of true. Our legs wont have the ray, neither our hands, skin or gall bladder.
This brings to another fact that,
'the love one experiences can be seen through his / her eyes'
When you like someone, no matter how hard you try to hide it, the person will basically know about it. How? Ya, through your eyes.
Sometimes i dont know why, whenever i look at someone's eyes, i will feel uncomfortable and try to run my view from their eyes. But honestly not all, only some. For instance, while i was talking, at the same time i looked at C's eyes, then suddenly i lost. Started to figure out what else to talk about. *I hate when this thing happen. * To avoid embarrasing myself, i tried to be cool and continued saying, "Can you please wait, i need to go to the washing room / i need to finish my work first / owh i'm so sleepy already, see you tomorrow!"
*Next time if i say these again, people will not trust me anymore, for sure.
By the way, i love this idiom:
make sheep's eyes at somebody
to look at someone with admiration and passionate towards them.
e.g: Sandy keeps making sheep's eyes at Hiromitsu trhrough the whole journey to Pilbara desert.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Now i think we can be friend again, or maybe more than that. Since last year, i stop contacting you. So deeply sorry. Flashing my mind through what i have done to you since then, trigger some kind of regret deep inside my insensitive heart. But then, now i am such a different person. I dont want to be the same me again and feel guilty and repentant most of the time thinking of how stupid i am, leaving you alone. From now on, i want you to be by my side, always.
Frankly speaking, the thought of how important you are to me has never arise, because i really think that i can survive by myself, without your help. Ya, i admit i am being both selfish and silly that at end, i'll keep regretting it. As a fact, i am not a literature-minded girl, neither a fast learner. But you, as innocent as beacon, lighting my life through the way. Pouring new vocabs to me just like steady rainfall pouring the earth. Huh, how i wish i can thank you.
Hey, one more thing. You. You are so extra big. Cant you just be smaller ? And slimmer. huh. I really hope so you know, so that i will eagerly bring you with me everyday to college. And perhaps, i can share you with them. But no worries, i wont leave you with them. Because you are mine. Forever and always.
Thanks again for being here with me, you, my lovely bulky heavy-weight Colins Cobuild dictionary.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
- you know how to answer the questions, but then you have no enough time to finish it.
- you being careless.
- you have no idea at all how to answer the questions.
we hope high.
but then the marks are not that high.
the thing is, in order to be able to jump, we must bend our knee first.
in order to stand, we must fall down first.
in order to wake up, we must sleep first.
same goes when it comes to test or exam.
before you are able to grab the excellent target, you need to discover your weakness first.
you need to start from below.
take your time then plan an action.
action means move.
not a dream.
next, strive your life towards it.
and be strong through the way.
but still, some are great enough that they do not need to be at the bottom.
but you see, they will never be on top.
that means, they are always in the comfort zone.
they will just walk, normally, neither fall nor jump.
in other words, nothing special about it.
so, you choose, which one you want to be.
the one that just walk, or the one that fall and then jump high.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
not all but just most.
but why is that so?
why we should be nice to everyone?
first and foremost,
you do that because you expect others to do the same thing to you.
you are scared if you start being harsh to them, they also will act just as the same.
of course you are not going to slap your friends' face.
of course you are not going to kick your friends' butt.
of course you are not going to hurt their feelings intentionally.
you are SCARED people will hurt you the same way as you did.
but then, sometimes, the nicest will be the stupidest.
the courtesy you show is a target for others to shoot you.
the politeness you act making others loose confidence on you.
if the nicest will be the stupidest, then is the worst will be the smartest?
anne. a very hard-hearted girl. always speaks her mind out. simply never care about what others say to her. and because of that, she dares to speak anything she wishes. i think she is smart.
me. try to be nice to everyone. try to take care of others' feelings. try to cheer everyone up. and now i know it is stupid.*p/s: all my housemates (all 3 houses, haha) :thanks for the suprise (even not so suprised),the melted cake and the presents.
along:thanks for the treat.
sueray:thanks for EVERYTHING.
indera, zaf and zizie:thanks for the pouring of your DRINK on me.and the presents.
friends and my dearest family:thanks for the wishes and heaven-treat.
thanks a lot.
*credit to my dear yana for the pictures.
Friday, February 6, 2009
i did say i want the dslr damn much. and now i feel even more.
yana already bought it for her last night.
yes she bought the dslr.
i feel like dying.
i am sick.
ok, now i sound like mad.
nothing of it got something to do with the title.
last night, we had birthday party for indera and jia wern at the student house.
lots are coming.
they were bringing presents for them both, indera and jia wern.
for the party, we had steamboat.
no birthday cake, just steamboat.
and also there were german students, playing pranks on indera.
eggs and flour splatting on him.
girls on the other hand, gave him a free shower.
we supposed to scream on that time right, as it was kind of a game.
especially when indera ran after all of us.
but then, after we screamed, we were all like, "syhh.."
again, indera chased us, we screamed for 2 seconds, then again, "syhh.."
we scared of the neighbours.
they might call police.
they did before.
that night makes me realise something.
the thing is not how expensive the presents are.
neither how wonderful the decorations are.
nor how many people are coming.
but the priceless thing is, people is celebrating your birthday together.
they are happy for you.
they are enjoying your existence.
they pray for your long live.
friends, no matter how bad you are, you still have them beside you.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
"Hey you, why you are shouting to your mom?"
"Hey you, why dont you listen to your dad?"
"Hey you, why you are so rude to them?"
Mom, why you still keep treating us nice even when we talk loud to you?
and dad, why you keep supporting us after we ignore your advices?
Because WE ARE YOUR PARENTS.
and God creates us to love and protect you child.
maybe 100 years..
Never in this world we are able to pay you enough..
Never in this world we forget what you did..
and never in this world, we stop loving you..
I still remember, one day before spm maths trial exam, i dumbly left my calculator in the tuition centre. But i did not tell you dad about this, because i trully did not want to bother you about this. I just think that i could find another one at home. But until late at night, i could not find any. Desperately, i told you. Yes, you went out to buy the new one for me.
It is 5 minutes before "Popular" shop closed. I did the exam on the next day, thinking how much i troubled you.
Kedah and Selangor is not near at all. It takes around 5 hours driving. But still, most of the times when i go back to Kedah, you always take the trouble to send me back just because you do not want to let me go back alone.
I still remember, when i was in form 5, i attended maybe 5 tuition classes. And the fees are not cheap. Besides, those books you bought to me. They cost a lot. I felt kind of guilty, cause too much money you spend on me. But neither of them bother you mom.
And if we need to pay for your prayers, maybe even million dollars will not be enough.
Cause you pray too much.
Friday, January 23, 2009
The people keep commenting.
The people keep looking.
You try your hardest to be nice to everyone.
to respect them as much as you want them to do on you.
to be amiable and spread a gracious smile on everyone.
people say you are hypocrite.
You help friends who are trully in hard times.
you want to delight them.
you want to hear their lingering laughs again.
people say you are desperately need attention.
*after a while, you are no angel.
You do not care anymore what the heck people is doing around you.
you simply neglect others' businesses.
you being blissfully ignorant, acting like you never care about them.
people accuse you of being a hostile, selfish little creature.
You enjoy every tiny bits of your life.
go out with your adorable friends.
have some fun and be totally steeped in it.
people label you as an over sociable idiot.
Now do you think you should give a toss on what others say?
"If Wright brothers listen to what people said to them, do you think we can ride on a flight by now?"
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Have you ever realise that you really are the lucky one?
Have you ever appreciate the love people spread on you?
Sometimes we are.
But most of the time, we are not.
Your closet is already stucked by hundreds of clothes.
Your shoes collection only need two more pairs to make them 20.
and your mobile phone is still functioning super-well.
Still, you tend to buy new ones.
Monthly? Weekly? or even daily?
-One Utama is having fainting discounts for clothes.
-you see one extra-comfy shoes that you think you truly need it.
-you think that your phone is already out of date.
Yes, when the times come, you spend your money to buy them.
Again. Again. And again.
Ok, now you said you appreciate things on life?
You have two hands.
You have two legs.
You have brilliant working brain.
You get the scholarship to further your studies.
You get the chance to stay at houses which maybe for some people, never be able to do so even they work for hundred years.
But still, you never appreciate them.
Loitering, chatting on rubbish thingy, shopping.
Yes, you prefer to do that more often than studying, dont you?
*now i sound like a nerd.
Truly supporting mother.
Great loving father.
Successful sisters and brothers.
Bunch of solace friends.
Extra nice partner.
Now tell me what else you need?
Frankly, now i feel like i am a total waste of space.
"When you pray for the rain, never forget to thank God for the sunshine."
Friday, January 9, 2009
Back to last semester, while we did not really have to study much (not that we did not have to, but we refused to) there was a super-cool event that we did every wednesday. The idea was that we wore the same colour shirt on that day. Yes, same colour, not same size ok. On those days, we would definitely take several minutes for photoshoot between english and economics class, acting like kids, 5-year-old kids, while snapping those photos (our class sounds like studio right? or kindergarten??). At the end of the day, we ended up absorbing more photography skills instead of mastering our lessons. How talented we are on those glory days.
Not forgotten, the days we were having our long holiday, that was last month, i took this opportunity to sharpen my skills. Photography skills (i sound like i have one dslr camera while i am not). I still remember, one day my 17-year-old sister and I were feeling bloody boring at home as there were not much things to do on that evening. Later, i asked her to go out, walking and enjoying extra clean air around. I brought my digital pentax camera out with me (eventhough we were only walking for maybe 100 steps only). Suddenly, there you go, i got an idea. Genius one.
Not far from my house, there was a keretapi tanah melayu railway. I urged my sister to go there with me and have some photoshoot on that railway. Nice spot it was. Five minutes passed by. 10 minutes. 15 minutes. Everything was extremely fine. First, i snapped her photos, then she snapped mine. Yes, like jusco workers changing shifts. We tended to ignore everything. Then, out of blue, we heard something. Like the sound of a train coming. Owh my God! Without looking at my sister, i jumped down straight to the ground. Yes, the railway is actually quite high. My shoes were full of dirt. My clothes were dramatically dusty already. My sister looked at me and said, "What the hell are you doing??"
"What?! There you see, the train is coming! Go down here, faster!!!" I replied.
"Train?! Owh, sometimes motorcycle can be a train also huh?" how sarcastic she could be sometimes.
Ok, my mistake. It was not a train, only a motorcycle drove very far away, that for me it sounded like a train.
Yes, those are only little bit part of my experince in photography. Very little. I also have so many sweet times with my friends at college. They are crazier than me. Much more crazier. But one thing we share, we all enjoyed photography heaven much. Those who have dslr should share them with us.